Spring is Coming...

I can't tell you how great it is to fell like I have some energy. The winter hasn't been that bad. I got through it without being depressed. Can't say that I have been really happy. But the last few month I have been OK.

It is my goal to start to keep this my journal, up to date. By the middle of March I should be able to start laying the cement block, for the greenhouse. And there will be plenty of pictures.

I am sorry that some of you have stopped blogging. I really do like getting to hear about what is happening in your lives. I understand some of the reasons why, but I do miss your blogs.

I had forgotten that it had been a year since Larry. I hope all is well with you Paul. If it wasn't for Larry and others I wouldn't have discovered and understood how wrong I was about gays. Much of my problem, my lack of understanding, I believe, is the culture I grew up in. I never questioned some things.

I have grown a lot this last year, I am a better person and am grateful to all of you for these changes in my life.

I wonder if anyone will even see this for a while. If you do, please comment.

Richard it would be grate hearing from you too.

Gordon (Sterling)

Difficult Summer

It has been over 2 months since I undated my blog. I am sorry but I will try to do a lot better as we head into fall. I have had health problems, so I have been felling a bit low. It took all I had to keep up with my responsibilities both physically and emotionally. I have gotten the building in Round Grove down. Tomorrow I will be loading four 15' beams. Then on Friday I have two of my friend come and they will be loading up 26 pallets of block. I think that I will fell a weight has been lifted when that is done. I was doing so well at the start of the project in the Spring. I was putting in 6 hours a day sometimes 4 or 5 days a week. But June, July and August have been close to a total waste. I got hot and muggy, I was getting in 2 hours at a time and not getting the job done. It has dragged out all Summer long. I have felt guilty for not getting it done and have trouble keeping up at the genealogy society and home. The garden grew up in weeds, the lawn is bad too.

One big problem was the doctor put me on Abilify, then Lamictal, both brought my energy levels down. After getting down to about 240lbs, I gained over 20lbs on Abilify. So I stopped that. And Lamictal wasn't as bad but after stopping it I have improved a lot. Now I am on Wellbutrin along with the Prozac, and am doing much better. I hope to be able to loss 20 lbs before Winter. Just to let you know I don't get really depressed. I just feel physically wiped out and have to push myself to do almost everything. Life becomes drudgery, never enjoying anything.

The other problem has been the weather. The heat and humidity always gets me. I have to accept that was probably a third of my problem this Summer, maybe more. Life goes on and I have to make the best of it.

I was sadden and I guess heart broken because of what happened with JJ/Richard. I'm not on MSN and only read his blog. I didn't feel betrayed but it still hurt a bit. I am sorry that he felt that he need to lie to be accepted. But lying has consequences and he should have stopped it long before it got to where it did. I still would like to know what is happening with him, and still would like to be friends. I am the forgiving type and can't hold a grudge. But I don't let myself get used as a doormat ether.

I was afraid that I would loss this blog if I did post anything. I am going to update the progress on the RG project and get some pic's posted in the next few days. So if anyone is still out there take a moment and post a comment.